I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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