Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
