Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
