allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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