you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
