i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The air taste purple.
Randomize
