Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
