finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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