that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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