Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
