Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
