i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
