you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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