I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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