I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
ttyl tear gas
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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