nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
40s are totally the cure
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
