So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
