OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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