O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
