i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
