she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
