He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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