She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
