i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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