pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
