Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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