just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
