thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
