I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
