we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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