I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
