He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
