There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
