I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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