i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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