All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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