You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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