you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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