I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
