I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
