which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
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