It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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