A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Hello my rib-scented angel!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
