I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
