I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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