I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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