??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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