LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
