ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
