I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
