Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
