I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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